TFMR: GIFTS
What do you do when someone you love experiences a terrible loss? What do you say? Sometimes there truly are no words. What then? While everyone is different in terms of what they need, I’d like to share some of the ways our circle loved on us, in the form of gifts, during those early weeks after Archie’s diagnosis and passing.
Our friends and family have been so generous to us. They fed us, sent flowers and showered us with precious gifts to help us navigate our grief and remember Archie. It can be difficult, if not impossible, to know how you should respond when someone you love is in the midst of intense grief. Yet somehow our support system cared for us perfectly. As I mentioned…there was food. Lots and lots of food. My best friend, who lives halfway across the country, sent us a smorgasbord of drinks and treats from Starbucks + a delicious First Watch FEAST! (DoorDash for the win!) My bestie and sister-in-law, both of whom also live out of town, offered to send us food on numerous occasions, which was literally the nicest thing ever. If you can’t physically be with someone when they are grieving, sending something is such a kind gesture. My sweet, sweet (local) friend, brought by doughnuts and groceries, plus a delicious Italian meal - all of which she left on the front porch for us, completely respecting our space, while still showing us how much she cared. My two east coast sisters-in-law, who drove hours to see us during that first week after we found out, showed up with a gigantic basket of all our favorite goodies. And, my parents, in addition to sending us away for a week-long vacation, sent their credit card along with us and told us our food was on them too! (Room Service for the win!) I cannot begin to express how helpful it is when you do not have to think about food. We were in no condition to cook or go out in public, for the most part. And, honestly…we didn’t have the mental capacity to plan meals or even decide what we wanted to eat at times. So…life hack: when you don’t know what to do or say…send food.
In addition to feeding us, our people made sure we had plenty of cheerful bouquets scattered throughout the house. Flowers are such a sweet way to show you care. I know not everyone likes getting flowers, but they make me so happy! Not to mention, flowers also symbolize recognition - in this case, the recognition of our sweet Archie. The recognition of both his life and his passing. Which brings me to cards…the sheer number of cards we received, some from people we didn’t even personally know, was astounding. A card is such a simple way to show someone you care. When you don’t have the words…let a card do the talking. Just you sending it is enough to show that you care. Again, it’s the acknowledgment. The acknowledgment that someone is going through something awful, and that you are thinking about them.
Food, flowers and cards aside, there were several incredibly special gifts we received from dear friends. I’d like to share some of those with you. I’ve thought a lot recently about the best ways to respond when someone you love is hurting, or in this case - mourning. As someone who requires a lot of space, there is a fine line between showing me you care, and making me feel overwhelmed or suffocated. I suppose our friends and family know me just that well. Because they truly struck a perfect balance of giving us space and time to grieve, while also showing us they cared. Another life hack: Amazon & Etsy are your friends, especially when there are no words. I hope some of these gifts we treasure will provide some inspiration for the next time you have a friend or family member in the trenches. I know how much each of these items mean to us, and I’m certain they would mean a great deal to anyone grieving a loss.
Photo credit: WildPreciousBoutique - on Etsy
First up, this precious pregnancy loss-themed gift box. My bestie got this for us, and told us to open it whenever we were ready. This box included the most thoughtful items, including this “hug in a mug” coffee mug, which I use ALL the time, a candle, a chakra/lava bead bracelet and accompanying essential oil blend and a key chain of the pregnancy loss awareness ribbon. We have used every single one of these items, and each time I see any one of them, I think of Archie, and I smile.
Another Etsy find, this precious, customized globe was a gift from my best friend. I absolutely love it. We decided to put it in our bedroom, and every time I walk by I think of my sweet boy.
No surprises here, another Etsy find. Like I said, Etsy is where it’s at! They offer so many customizable options, and there is just nothing sweeter than a customized gift. A sweet friend I haven’t seen in years heard about our loss through Instagram and sent me this beautiful necklace with Archie’s name on it. I treasure this piece so much, and have so enjoyed wearing it - carrying a little reminder of Archie with me everywhere I go.
My best friend also gave both Vinnie and I one of these customized key chains with Archie’s name and birthstone on them. We each have one on our keys, and it is such a precious reminder of our angel baby.
One of my dear friends from college sent us this “Remembrance” Willow Tree Angel. I have collected these angels for years, so this was an absolutely perfect gift. We have this angel sitting on the window sill above our kitchen sink. It is so precious to us.
One of our dearest friends sent this devotional (available on Amazon) that I mentioned in my last post. This devotional was the bridge I needed to bring me back to my relationship with the Lord. When I couldn’t pray and couldn’t read my Bible, I read this. I would highly recommend this devotional to any woman dealing with a pregnancy loss.
Often times, it seems there are no words to adequately convey your condolences. When that is the case, sending something is a great way to show you care. It has nothing to do with the monetary value of the gift. As I mentioned, a simple card with a nice poem or a comforting Bible verse is more than enough. A customized or loss-specific gift is another precious gesture. When you are going through the agony that is loss and grief, you just need to know that you are loved, cared for and supported. Texts and phone calls are very sweet, but if you’d like to do something tangible, I hope this blog post provides some insight and inspiration - from a Mom, grieving the loss of her son.
