A Defining Year…
Each December (and May - my birthday month), I like to look back on the previous year - remember the highlights, pat myself on the back for the things I survived and overcame, and dream of what I’d like to see happen or change in the upcoming year. As 2023 draws to a close, I’ve caught myself saying (more than once) that this was an awful year. I lost my son this year. V and I experienced the immense joy and excitement of finding out we were pregnant in early February, only to be devastated by the news that our son would not survive in May. While this was among the hardest and most cruel experiences of our lives, I find myself wondering, “Does one terrible event, an awful year make?” In theory, maybe not. However, in our case, the grief we continue to walk through in these months following our loss has clouded my perspective on the year, as a whole. It feels like we have been walking through a dense fog, unable to see anything good around us. Unfortunately, I think 2023 will always be a year stained by loss, anger, sadness, and confusion, but I want to take this opportunity to remember some of the amazing moments from the past 12 months.
I started off the year in Disney World, with my bestie. There truly is no better way to kickoff a brand new year. We had the absolute best time, as all Disney adults do in the happiest place on Earth. It’s become a bit of a tradition for us to go to Disney every other year, or so, and I cannot wait for our next trip.
In February, V and I celebrated our first anniversary, with a 7-day cruise to Mexico, Honduras, and Belize. It was such a relaxing week, and it was so nice to spend time just the two of us, reflecting on our first year of marriage.
In March, I headed to Rosemary Beach, FL, to celebrate my best friend finding her lobster. It was the most perfect bachelorette weekend, complete with lots of sharks (thankfully none in the water), cutouts of the groom’s head and a bucket list that kept the bride busy throughout the weekend.
In April, my best friend got married, and I’m convinced it was the most stunning wedding there ever was. It was such a fun wedding weekend and just couldn’t have been more perfect. I had the absolute honor of being her matron of honor, and there is just nothing more special than standing by your best friend on the most important day of her life.
In May, when our lives unexpectedly changed forever, we were in an incredibly dark place. But, we received so much love and support from our friends and family. I have never felt so cared for. Our people really showed up for us. Though the circumstances were horrific, we were treated to the most distracting (and healing) beach trip by my best friend and my parents. Hilton Head Island, SC, was the perfect location for us to spend some of the first days after losing our little boy, Archie. We were able to distract ourselves for short periods, while also taking time out from life to process and grieve.
In August, we celebrated V’s birthday with a staycation, at the cutest Airbnb ever. It was ideally located near so many yummy restaurants, and we ate essentially all weekend long. Doing a staycation in our city was perfect - less than a 30 minute drive to our destination, but because we were staying in a completely different part of town, we really did feel like we were away from home.
October was an especially difficult month, since Archie’s due date was on October 6th. So, my parents sent us away for the night, to the Berry Hill Resort in South Boston, VA. The trip was a great distraction, and also gave us a chance to reflect on all we had walked through in the previous months. We celebrated Archie, with a champagne toast at midnight to ring in his “birthday”. This a tradition we plan to do each and every year to remember and honor our son.
We spent Thanksgiving in Carolina Beach, NC, with my family. It was such a relaxing trip, complete with lots of yummy food, tons of coffee on the balcony, and Koko Marie’s very first time on the beach. We also took our Christmas card pictures while we were there, and I love the way they turned out.
Christmas is one of my very favorite times of the year, and I went all out this year. I love the soft glow of Christmas lights, and have so enjoyed having our house decorated for the holidays. I’m a firm believer in leaving your Christmas decor up until after New Year’s. So, we are still enjoying all things Christmas, at least for the rest of this week.
So, what will I take away from this year? Primarily, Archie. While he will not physically enter into 2024 with us, we are forever changed by his existence. His memory and the love we have for him will be carried with us. Always. While I would not relive this year for any amount of money, I am grateful for Archie and the months we had with him. I am also grateful for the experiences and relationships that made 2023…well, less awful. No year is perfect, and there will always be ups and downs as life progresses, but I look forward to a new year, a fresh start, and the opportunity to continue healing and growing.
I hope you’ve had the most magical holiday season, and I look forward to chatting with you in the new year! Happy New Year!
-D
